Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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