she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
