Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
