I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
