I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
