Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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