once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
