.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
