i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
