check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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