You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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