um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
