Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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