Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
