So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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