as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
