O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
