He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
