I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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