just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
