dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
