Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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