I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
