watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
