I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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