The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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