So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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