I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
