I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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