sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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