WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
