I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
