Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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