I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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