Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
