is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
