He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
