Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he fucked my hip out of place.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
