I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
