giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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