I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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