i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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