Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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