So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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