I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
