I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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