i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
