I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
this hospital has no fireball
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
