You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i think i have two assholes
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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