we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
