Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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