he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
