I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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