Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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