She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
