Where is the hickey?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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