I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
