Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
