After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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